I think what you keep neglecting is the energy required to deprotonate weak acids. HCl(aq), AcOH(aq) or NH4<sup>+</sup> can not give the
same amount of heat upon reaction with OH<sup>-</sup> even if you could somehow eliminate all enthalpy changes resulting from ions
solvations and desolvations. The energy required for full dissociation (deprotonation energy) of these three acids is very different (given by pKa)
and this energy must be detracted from the -57.3 kJ/mol value you give for the H2O "association". In the case of strong acids which are more or less
fully dissociated in water this energy is close to zero, but with weak acids like acetic or ammonium it is certainly the major factor. I think that
only in reactions such as the neutralisation of (hydrogen)carbonates (where the strongly solvated anion changes into a species that leaves the
solution) is the solvation change is the prevalent factor explaining the overall enthalpy.
(Snip...)
The enthalpy of dissolution is no direct indication of the solvation enthalpy, certainly not so in dissolving salts where the enthalpy is the
difference between solvation and lattice energy. OK, the dissolution of NH3 is more directly connected with the solvation, but I think the most direct
indication of the solvation energy would be the dilution enthalpy. Anyway, the solvation enthalpy of the formed NH3 goes in the overall enthalpy, thus
it is consumed in the desolvation of the ammonium ions and N-H bond breaking (as Woelen noted above). Obviously this energy per self would not be
enough, but since there is also the H2O "association" energy released, the overall reaction is what it is, a very slightly exothermic neutralisation.
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